Study: Very few people have a perfect upbringing. Mine wasn't either, but I always thought that I had gotten over the many road bumps that occured along the way. It took a couple years into my marriage to realize that that wasn't completely true. I think because I felt like I had no control over what happened to me in childhood I had a strong need to be in control of my adult life. Even society and my own public high school had taught me that women should step up and be in control. The only thing was I didn't realize how much my need to be in control was actually causing me to have a lack of trust in my husband. The Lord showed me that by always needing to feel in control I wasn't fully trusting my husband in any matter. I was always jumping in and making the decisions where he should have been or taking them away from him. How bad that must have felt for him to realize his wife didn't really trust him! I felt awful when I realized it. After much prayer I was able to sit down one day and forgive the wrongs I felt were done against me as a child. It was such an amazing experience! It felt as if a huge weight I didn't even realize I was carrying was suddenly lifted away. And it changed my relationship with my husband. I can't say I'm sorry I went through any of it though, because of what we go through in life we become who we are and I know I am a better momma to my own children because of my own childhood. Since that time I have worked very hard to be a better wife and as I studied further in the Word I've worked to become a more godly wife. Over the years the Lord has been kind and helped me recognize one area at a time that needs to be cleaned up or tidied a bit. All that He's shown me has also shown me how we manifest our inward discontent in outward expressions of that dissatisfaction. Mine was by hording things, just in case I might need them. I was a pack rat! As I've cleaned things out spiritually I have also been able to see where I needed to clean things out physically. Bit by bit thats been done and we have lived in a more comfortable home for several years now. Its all because the Lord showed me that I needed to just let go of grudges I didn't even realize I'd been holding. Am I perfect? Not by far.

How do I clean? I start at the top and work to the bottom. I learned along time ago that if I start with the hardest dirtiest job first, the one I want to do the least, then when its finished I enjoy the rest of my work so much more and it all seems easier, so thats where I begin. The job I dislike the most is the one I tackle first. As to scriptures, one that I keep posted in our home is: Blessed is everyone that feareth the Lord; that walketh in His ways. Psalm 128:1 I keep it posted because it reminds me everyday to examine myself. Am I walking in His ways today? Or the ways of the world?

Name: Shellie

"A visiting pastor recently spoke at our church about being filled with the Holy Ghost. As I was reading Shellie's message, I was struck that you must clean out anything that is not pleasing to the Lord and that you must watch what you choose to be filled with. What you fill your mind, soul and home with is vitally important."

Name: Ellen

"I feel out of my depth listening to you ladies. I am very thankful for all that you are doing to help women to be Godly wives. I grew up in a unbelieving household and was not taught anything positive about God. I am struggeling to become the Christian and wife that I believe God wants me to be. Please bear with me as I struggle to understand and learn."

Name: Dolly

Hi Dolly, Please know that none of us have attained! We are all striving to find His best for our lives and this Bible Study is just one way that we can all bind together to help one another seek the truth and become better wives to our husbands.  I do pray that you will continue with us and let us know what the Lord is showing you as we study together.  There is so much to learn for all of us. 

Big hugs!

Angie

Wash Day, part 2

Study: "Hi Angie, One thing that I learned when I was working as a janitor was that things were kept quite clean if they were dealt with every day. The hardest part was getting them good and clean in the first place, but once they were clean, just a daily wipedown would keep them that way. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we need God to do a BIG cleaning in our hearts at first, and then we need to go to him every single day thereafter to keep it clean or else it will get pretty dirty again. I know that when I get "sloppy" in my walk with Christ, things start to snowball on me and before I know it I've got a big mess going on again. Maybe you or someone can add to my idea...I'm not so good with wording my thoughts sometimes."

Name: Lisa

Hi Lisa - I think you are absoutely correct.  We need to truly seek the Lord and give ourselves over completely to His Will and ask Him to show us each area where we are still lacking.  It takes time for Him to reveal these things but as He does we need to honestly and completely confess our sin and then make the necessary changes.  Once we "clean" these areas then we must  daily commit our way to Him and examine ourselves regularly to make sure that we are not harboring old ways, old patterns, old habits and old sins.  Our first effort is to confess to Him that we have failed. 

Proverbs 16:2 - All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes; but the Lord weigheth the spirits.

1 John 1:9 - If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Luke 9:23 - And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.

Lesson: Wash Day Part 3

Psalms:103:12: As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

It's all about forgiveness. If we have truly repented and been baptized in the Name of Jesus, our past sins have been forgotten by God. Our new sins can be confessed and they are also forgotten.

We do not forget but we must forgive ourselves and others for whatever it is that is haunting us. The Devil also knows what we have done and we must not give him room in our lives to bring the past up again and again.

Ph'p:4:8: Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

We must replace the thoughts that we have with things of HIM. We must remember that we were created in HIS image. That is how HE sees us through the cleansing blood of Christ.

Name: Ellen

Lesson: All Three

Study: Angie, thank you for this study! I am grateful that the Lord has placed it on your heart to share your study with us. The Lord truly did guide me to your website and this study. My husband is away on business this week and I don't know why but yesterday I was overwhelmed by all of these jealous, negative thoughts. I have alot of trust and abandonment issues from my childhood and as a result of a very abusive first marriage. I had those thought like Le-Teisha of never being good enough, always trying to please everyone but not quite feeling like I measured up. Feeling not worthy of love. In my marriage now I have truly sought the Lord's guidance and direction on how to be a submissive grateful wife. I loved what you wrote about the "trash" that needs to be thrown it. It was such a reminder to me of the trash from my past. I am a new creation in Christ and I need to always remember that. Your words and the words of the other women in the study really helped to encourage me to turn my attitude around and just be still and be grateful for the work that the Lord has done in my life and in my marriage. As Lisa said, I think I was getting "sloppy" in my walk with God and what happened was when Mark was away those old fears crept in. I was able to call Mark last night and just tell him how much I really appreciate all that he does for our family and be truly heartfelt and grateful that the Lord has blessed me with such a wonderful husband. And this morning I woke him up with a cheerful spirit and told him to just have a blessed day. I feel so renewed and I am so thankful. You are right Angie, it is time to let go of the hurts and dump out the dirty water that I have been carrying around. I thank you so much for this reminder. There is so much more I could write but for now I will just say have a blessed day today and thank you! :)

Name: Donna

Lesson: wash day 3

Study: The Lord has placed on my heart to tell you something. Before I became a Christian I had children, 5 children. They were my world. They were my everything. Then for reasons I will never understand my ex-husband took them away. I did not see them again until they were grown. I was destroyed. I have morned for years. I cursed my ex-husband for years. When I became a Christian I forgave him and I now pray for him. But my children are gone forever. Since I was not there when they were growing up they do not want to have anything to do with me. I have grandchildren that I will never be part of their lives. Today God placed in my heart something that I wanted to share. I never told God thank you for the time that I did have with them. The wonderful blessing of being their mother even if it was only for a short time. It's as if a "huge" load of garbage was removed today. Does any of this make sense?

Name: dolly

Lesson: Day 3 Dolly

Study: I just really wanted to respond to what Dolly wrote. Dolly.......wow! What you wrote totally makes sense to me. I lost my biological mother when I was younger to alcoholism and I spent my life hating her for choosing to drink over me and my sister. I never realized that she was truly ill. And I never really thought to thank God for the time that I did have with her but that just makes so much sense to me after reading what your wrote. And one more thing Dolly remember something, we serve the God of miracles and things happen in HIS timing, not ours. Never say never dear sister. You may indeed be a part of their lives if it is in His will for you. Congratulations on removing your load of garbage and thank you for helping me to unload some more of mine.

Name: Donna

Lesson: wash day

Study: I am very grateful for this study. It is very timely for me; God always knows exactly what we need. His timing is perfect even when we think not. Most of my life before I was a christian was a mess and sometimes that mess creeps in now in the form of condemnation. Yes I am a child of God today and I rejoice in this. Jesus Christ paid it all at the cross; Daily I have to go before Him for grace to get over the pains of the past and He has been faithful to see us through, we praise God for this. This past year has been the most trying of my life,for my husband too. However big the big mess gets I have to realize I can't carry it and I must surrender it and not even try to take it back. Once you throw the garbage out, it gets picked up; we don't go running after the truck; we quit laboring and we rest in Christ Jesus. I say this because it has been a difficult process for me and today I am experiencing freedom in Christ instead of being in bondage to the consequences of my past sins. I do meditate on 1John1:9 and Matthew 11: 28-30 - Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Thank you and Bless you Angie for this bible study. It has really ministered to my heart. Abiding in Him, Jeanne

Name: Jeanne

Lesson: Tuesday - Laundry Day

Study: Immediately what came to mind was the Armor of God, but since those were not "clothes" nor are they laundered, I thought I needed to dig deeper. I began to think of the context of this study, Godly wives. Where is the example in the Bible? Proverbs 31. I began to read about her spiritual clothing; trust, hard work, charity, strength, honor, wisdom and the law of kindness. There are many examples in this passage. Can you think of examples in your life? Why would your husband and children praise you? Have you seen these traits in your children? Are you providing a Godly example?

Name: Ellen

Hi Ellen - Thanks for sharing this and I think you are right about the Armour of God.  True is doesn't go in the laundry but we would need to keep it shined up, so definitely we need to cover this during this part of the study.  Interesting that you brought up Prov 31 woman.  A friend just spent an hour or so visiting and we had quite a nice discussion concerning this.  I will be interjecting this in the study soon!

Hugs - Angie

Lesson: Tuesday - Laundry Day

Study:

Hiya Angie! I think I'm following your train of thought. Do you mean, that we women won't give up all of our fleshly secrets? We're holding back from really connecting with our husbands? I think we're taught to keep secrets. We're supposed to share some things just with other gal pals...in the "real world". I know that I've shared hurts and feelings with my Lyle, and even though he might not truly understand where I'm coming from, it sure made me feel better and feel closer to him. I also know that when I'm totally open and honest with God, I act differently (more open and connected) with my husband! Did I get the answer right? lol Thanks for this "study".

Name: Cath

Hey Cath - Excellent point!!  There is really no right or wrong answer.  It is more about seeing what the spirit reveals to us as we study.  I think you have hit on a very important issue.  You are so correct - we are taught to keep secrets - from childhood.  I know in my own life there are things that I was either afraid for my husband to know or things that I just felt so insecure about that I didn't want anyone to know.  But I do feel that when we begin to trust our husband then he begins to feel respected - which of course, is #1 on the hit parade with men.  I sent out a little survey to some husbands I know to be Godly men before I began this study and almost every one responded that they desire "RESPECT" above anything else from their wives. 

I think men realize when they are being kept in the dark more than we give them credit for.  But to trust your husband in all areas speaks volumes.  You wrote "I also know that when I'm totally open and honest with God, I act differently (more open and connected) with my husband!"  Yes, Indeed!!!

Lesson: Tuesday = Laundry day

Study: That was so right on, the Lord has been showing that so clearly to me the last few months. That as I withhold from my husband whatever I may be, I'm also withholding from the Lord and to open up to one is to open up the other. It is a struggle I believe and pray that I'm making progress in this area. Thank you for your insights.

Name: Maribeth

Thanks for writing Maribeth!  I think your words are confirmation.

Study: There have been times when I have done something against my husband's will. Not to be purposely rebellious ( in our christian years), but in a moment of weakness in faith I acted impulsively. I had quickly came up with excuses and "reasons" for this special circumstance - to myself. I was in no hurry to tell him because I did not want to see his face - the hurt and the disappointment especially. That is growth, I suppose, since at one time I would have feared other aspects of the sinful situation worse. The more mature I get in my life as a christian the more I want to please God and obey Him.

Name: Joanie

Good point, Joanie, we do tend to make up excuses and reasons why we cannot be honest.  Trying to justify sin is really a plague, isn't it?!  But, as you also said, through maturing we realize that hiding things just compounds the problems.  It is so vital that we step out and show that we do trust.  I wonder sometimes if we don't trust because, deep down,  we know that we are not trustworthy and we assume in our hearts, that our husbands are the same.

Lesson: Tues. Laundry Day

Study: Mine is not so much keeping anything from my husband but rather wanting something my way. What I mean is that we discuss everything. I've shared more with him than with anyone else ever in my life, almost to a fault. I can't ever surprise him with anything because I end up telling on myself, I'm that honest with him. :) I can't stand feeling like I'm keeping anything from him. But when it comes to bigger issues he is always open to what I think about things though ultimately he makes the final decisions. Most of the time I am glad its that way and I do not get upset if he does something different from the way I would have wanted it done or how I would have liked to see things happen.Often his choice is different. However, once in a while there will be an issue that I feel a bit more passionate about and even though I don't argue with him if he chooses another way inside I struggle with those feelings of "my way is better". When that happens I pray over it and take time to force myself to think it all out, what the proper order is in our family, and remind myself that I really do like that he is the one to have the final say and make those decisions. I can't ask him to make all the hard decisions (keeping the responsibility off my shoulders) and then expect him to also give me my way just when ever I want that too. I can't pout around because I didn't get my way, or try to guilt him for doing something different. That would not be supporting my husband. It wouldn't be respecting my husband and it sure wouldn't make him feel like I trust him very much. I am so thankful for a husband who is willing to stand up and take on his rightful place as a husband as God ordained it to be. I do not want a husband, as so many in the world are right now, who cows to what ever his wife decides is the thing to do and lets himself be bossed around by her. My husband takes a lot of flack at work from the guys he works with because of our conservative beliefs, but they do think the way our relationship works is pretty neat too. Its these same men who are the ones who turn to him for advice when they are having problems in their own homes. I am proud to know that my husband is a godly example to other men who don't know or understand the headship order yet. Lord willing, one day they and their wives will.

Name: Shellie

Amen!!  You go girl!!  Seriously, Shellie - You hit so many good points here.  "I can't ask him to make all the hard decisions (keeping the responsibility off my shoulders) and then expect him to also give me my way just when ever I want that too."  This hits the bull'ss eye for so many situaitons.  We say we want a strong Godly husband who will be the priest of our home and be responsible but then when his decision doesn't line up with our goals then WHAM!  "Wait now, Honey, we need to talk!"  Ladies, let's expound!

Lesson: Wearing of Pants

Study: Hiya Angie.  I'm really confused on this one. Every biblical movie I've seen shows both men and women wearing those long robe/type garments. Was that really the case? Lyle says that pants were a "war invention". Soooo, what would have been the difference in men's and women's garments back then? I solidly understand what you're saying in regards to today's pants vs. dresses dilemma. Help me to understand exactly what they meant!!!

Name: Cath

Lesson: Tuesday Laundry Day

Study: Angie,

I am feeling very confused. I was raised to be the wrong kind of girl. My mother tried to encourage us to be very provocative, very worldly, and to get the attention of men. I did not want to live like that so I wore men's clothing to feel safe and strong and not like a whore. I felt that I was modest I was completely covered and I felt brave and strong. I felt that I could take care of myself. I feel very vonurable in women's clothing. I have been trying to make over my wardrobe and cover daily and to be more modest female. But with the terrible things from my past that I am dealing with right now I have reverted back to wearing men's clothing. I feel brused emotionally. I am greving for my losses. I feel weak and I need to find some way for my modest clothing to help me feel right, not something that is not me yet. I am sewing new dresses and converting my overalls to jumpers but I think that I am scared and I don't know of what. Am I making any sence? In Service to Christ dolly

Name: Dolly

Dearest Dolly,

I appreciate your being open and honest and sharing with me about your past.  Let me begin with sharing a scripture with you - 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."  Your testimony of your upbringing certainly shows where the fear originated in your life, but once you receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour, you are equipped to end that spirit of fear that torments you.  It did not come from God as this scripture shows us - it came from the devil and you must flee from it.  The best way to defeat the devil is to live for Christ and to follow His Word and His teachings.  You can see in the scripture from this lesson that dressing like a man or in men's clothing is an abomination to the Lord and as a born again Christian you need to stop doing it.  It is difficult to change something so ingrained in your life, I know, but you are powerful through the  blood of Christ and you can overcome the fear of the evil one through obedience and praise.  But you must diligently make the changes and submit each and every day to the Lord Jesus and He will strengthen you.  Wearing a headcovering is a very difficult task for most of us and it takes everything we have when we first begin, to go out in public and actually have people see us.  But I can attest to the fact that over time, it is no longer difficult or even embarrassing.  My flesh, my pride and my past caused me to feel those negative things and thankfully, at least in this area, I now have the victory over Satan's lies and am not hindered by them.  You must do the same.  Do you believe the scriptures to be true?  Do you believe they are to be obeyed?  If you answered yes, then trust the Lord and step out.  God will not leave you forsaken in this. 

With much love and prayers -

Angie

Lesson: Laundry day, Both days so far

Study: Hi Angie

I've been mulling over this study ever since you posted it, and it seems to me that the first day (Monday) had to do with an inward cleansing, which is a personal thing between yourself and God, and then the second day has to do with the outside life, or how that inward cleansing should start to show on the outside too (that's sanctification I do believe).

A verse, or section of verses rather, which have been running through my head over this subject have been those from First Peter when he talks of the humble, serving nature of Christ and then says that wives should "likewise" take this same attitude towards their husbands. Her general attitude of submission, and love, and modesty is her adornment. I do believe that her inward, or spiritual modesty should be reflected by her outward, or physical appearance as well. Another interesting thing about these verses is that it is used in regards to one of the ways that the LORD uses a wife to help a non-Christian husband.

This is how I've been led to meditate on this topic for the last little while anyway.

Name: Lisa

Hi Lisa,

Beautifully written - Yes.  You have reached into the meat here.  Your observation "Her general attitude of submission, and love, and modesty is her adornment."  really leads us into the next aspect of Laundry Day. 

Thanks -

Lesson: Laundry Day Both

Study: Angie, thank you again for this study! I am learning so much and just really feeling a part of this work of the Lord. Here's my question/problem. I have been really doing my internal laundry for quite some time now. I was literally changed by God over the past 3 years or so, especially this last year. My husband has seen the changes in me and is thrilled and has actually started to embrace a more Christian attitude and lifestyle. I have talked to him about dressing more modestly and he is just not on board. He says he's flattered when other men look at me when I dress in something fitted that shows off my figure. And for me, someone with a checkered past, who has been cleansed by the Lord and really wants to live a Godly life, this is very hard for me lately. I have tried to just wear big sweaters with my jeans, etc. but he won't have me wearing loose clothes or long dresses as I'd like. I've been able to buy a few to go to church and wear occassionally but that's it. Last night we watched Inherit the Land and I commented on the true beauty and peace of the women that were shown in the film and he agreed. So for now, please keep me in prayer as I continue to submit to my husband but pray for a change in his heart.

Name: Donna

Dear Donna,

Bless your heart!!  I am so encouraged to hear how the Lord is working in your life.  I will keep you on our prayer list and am confident that the Lord will hear the cry of your heart and bring a change in your husband's.  Allow me to share a little testimony of my own.  When we began to make our changes - we began to wear dresses only, then headcoverings and then long plain dresses, etc.  One thing that tortured me was my hair.  I had been frosting my hair since I was 14 years old.  I was called "Blondie" by some of the guys in school and everyone knew me by my shiny blonde hair.  It was one of those things that I really felt convicted of when the Lord revealed this new path to us.  The problem was - Paul LOVED my hair.  He loved it being blonde.  His argument was that it was for him and since I wore my hair under a covering no one could really see it except for the hairline. He wanted me to continue coloring my hair.  It still tortured me. 

Paul was speaking at the funeral of a dear friend and while there a young teenage girl, who wanted to mock me and my plain appearance, said that I was a hypocrit because I wore all the plain things but still colored my hair.  Oh, the sting of it was brutal, but I knew that the Lord knew my heart.  In that moment, Paul looked at me and he knew.  He knew from the sorrow in my eyes that I was ashamed and I had no way to respond because I was being obedient to him.  When we left - we were in Florida and had a 12 hour ride to get home - but when we got in the car and buckled up, he turned to me and apologized and asked me to not color my hair anymore.  Talk about relief! 

So I said all that to say this, God knows your heart.  Talk to him about what is in the depth of your heart and how it makes you feel to be an object for men to stare at.  Obey him but do what you can to be as modest as possible.  Your Father in heaven changed the heart of a Pharoah and he can change your husband's heart too.  Know that we are praying in agreement with you!

Angie 

Lesson: Laundry Part 2

Study: I think there has to be something instinctive about this too. Call it a God given feeling maybe whether people want to recognize it as that or not. We all have instincts of whats right and whats wrong. What I mean is, have you ever noticed that some basic things tend to show which gender its for? Take the public bathroom in any store or restaurant for instance. The ladies room is always symbolized by a figure in a dress. In the baby dept. boys things tend to be blue or green, girls things pink or yellow. Boys things tend to have puppies or some such, girls have flowers, lace or ruffles. Even bigger kids clothes, even if the style blends with boys fashions they try to make it 'look' like its a girls outfit by color.

Another thing I have found interesting is how most the women I've met who came to covering were convicted to switch to wearing only dresses before ever being convicted to cover. Its kind of like the Lord was preparing each one in baby steps until they were strong enough to bear up against the odd looks and stares that would come with covering. We don't just start off strong so that we can withstand anything that comes at us. We build up spiritual strength slowly. Feeding on the milk, moving up to the meat. As we grow spiritually, more is expected of us. We can't stay in kindergarten forever, we move up grade by grade, gaining more responsibility along the way. Once we have learned the truth it is harder to turn back to the way we used to do things before we knew it.

Name: Shellie

Shellie - I think you are hitting on a key here.  The Lord does walk us in "do-able" steps and gives us chewable bites to get us going.  I have great concern when folks jump too quickly -before they have time to study and develop their beliefs.  Now, I have to add that some folks are so far back that they need a jumpstart to get going - those folks have to take major steps quickly.  But for most of us, we need to walk step by step. 

And I agree with what you said about even the world recognizes that there is a difference and it shows in their nuances in clothing and such. The key being "nuances".  For the Christian is should be a marked difference and not just a little pink label on the Levi's instead of a brown one. ;-)

Angie

Lesson: Laundry Day

Study: Angie and Shellie, What you both wrote really hit home for me. Thank you Angie for your testimony and for keeping me in prayer. Shellie, I think you are just so right with what you said. I am growing so much spiritually and being convicted little by little as I grow. Time is something that you both wrote about and as I have learned so much over my walk with the Lord, it's HIS time not mine. I wouldn't want to jump in too soon before I am mature enough. I am just so grateful for what I am learning and being convicted of for right now. Angie, what you said about how some people need a jump start...I think that is so true.....what I am thinking for myself if that I just need to keep taking my baby steps and holding onto His hand and when I am ready He will let me know. Until then the key is to keep walking and not get stagnant in where I am. Again, thank you so much for this study. It is a Godsend for me. :)

Name: Donna

Hi Donna - I think your words could be echoed by many ladies.  You are speaking with wisdom - "Until then the key is to keep walking and not get stagnant in where I am."

Angie

Lesson: Modesty, Shamefaced and Sober

Study: Why would the Lord want us to be modest, shamefaced, and sober? Again, I'm getting the distinct feeling that HE wants us set apart! 180 degrees from what's happening today. And isn't there something refreshing about a woman who is meek and mild?! They have a presence unto themselves! While some women try the boisterous, hey-look-at-me route, over time it gets real old! Some traits that men might find alluring when you're young, but certainly is an ugly trait when you're mature. We've all seen these women...they look like they're trying too hard, like they can't believe their youth is gone, they're holding onto something! Ahhhh, the meek and gentle spirit is something that can be worn FOREVER! It never gets old, it never goes out of style!

The other point I wanted to make was your definition of shamefacedness: regard for others, respect. Hmmmm, when women get dolled-up, isn't it a competition right at that moment? That's certainly not showing regard for others. Showing off all her prized possessions. Maybe it's the size of the diamond ring she sports or the fact that she can afford designer clothes. Whose attention are they seeking? Men or women? Maybe both. Men so they can ogle and women so they can feel jealous. Oh there it is: We are either seeking approval and attention from the crowd or GOD!! Oooooh Angie, I think I strained my frontal lobe! lol

Name: Cath

You are so cute, Cath!!!  Strain away!!  That is really right to the main issue -who are we seeking approval or attention from.  I am constantly amazed at the people who say we don't "need" to dress differently in order to please God - It makes me want to ask them, "Then who are you dressing to please???"  Does a woman need to wear 7 rings on her fingers?  Does she NEED lipstick?  Does she need to wear blue jeans?  Not hardly.  (Blue jeans were developed to be strong enough to withstand the harsh conditions of goldminers. The lives of most modern women is far from harsh. :-)) 

Love ya,
Angie

Lesson: Study: Very few people have a perfect upbringing.

Study: I don't know if that is the right name of the lesson, but that is what I read. I have a problem trusting my new husband (9-15-07). There really isn't any big reasons, but I do not know what to do or how to help myself because less insecure. Is this just a phase that I am going through being newly married? We have been together for 5.5 years and throughout the "dating scene" it was slowly getting worse. I feel that it is getting better, but there are some hurt feelings from the past that I struggle with letting go, what am I to do? I do not want to feel this way anymore. What happened that I cannot let go is: My husband (boyfriend at the time) went to bootcamp after 9 months of dating. He came home and everything was fine, then a couple months (maybe weeks I do not remember how long after) he told me, non-chalantly, that he had visited a strip clup in California. He said that he didn't stay long because he felt wrong about it and just weird. I was upset but not that bad, I kinda just blew it off, but as the years past, I didn't let it go, and it started to fester and I believe, has played a key role in my problem today. There was one more incident that happened about a year ago. He had left for Iraq, and I was staying in his apt to look after his stuff (we were not living together). I was cleaning one day and found a backpack under his toolbox, I found this odd but I convinced myself it was nothing, being a woman I looked anyway. In the bag was a Maxium mag and two american pie movies... Now I had knew about the mag because a friend from work had given it to him and he told me about it immediately. But I didn't understand why he would have hid it like that. With everything that was going on, it wasn't the place or time to get my questions answered, and to this day he just doent remember why it was there... I want to beleive him, but I don't know how to let it go. Am I going to grow out of my insecurities? Sometimes I want to do a lie detector test to get my questions answered... I don't let these things affect our lives but it just burns me whenever I see something refering to cheating or dirty mags on the tv. I gets under my skin a little, what do I do? The reason I am replying to this is because I grew up in a Christian home, but not really. My dad was an alcoholic who never spent time with his kids and was ALWAYS lying to us about everything. He go to a lot of "meetings" which someone ended up at the bar, this always cut deep. So maybe the problem is with build up hurt from that... I do not know.... please help me with some advice or if you have had a similar situation...

Name: Brit

Hi Brit - I am so glad that you wrote.  It is an important step to take when you see something that needs to be dealt with and then open up to allow for some help.  You touched on the answer to some degree.  Many of us bring past hurts into our marriages - and it is very easy to assign our feelings toward our father to our husband - good and bad. You had a valid reason for developing a protective barrier with your father's behavior, but let me encourage you to sit down and work through those feelings with your husband. 

  One thing that I have seen women do is punish their husband's for being honest with them - that inevitably leads to men not wanting to be honest in the future.  These instances that you mentioned happened before you were married and that is very important.  You said  "I don't let these things affect our lives", but it is affecting you and is causing you some deep hurts. 

You didn't say whether your husband is a professing, born-again believer now.  Are you?  That is the first step.  I would encourage you to sit down and write these things out and then go to the scripture.  Ask the Lord to show you how to trust your husband.  You will need to sit down - as non-emotionally as possible- and talk to him.  It is vital that you not accuse him but share with him that YOU have a problem and allow him to work through it with you.  When we as wives assume our husband's guilt and throw it at them, we damage far more than we realize.

I want you to know that I am praying for you and am here if you want to talk about this further.  Some of the other ladies who participate in this study might also have some words of wisdom to share.  It is excellent that you see the problem and want to heal. 

Big hugs - Angie

esson: Modesty, Shamefaced and Sober

Study: I have read your lessons, and they are very well done. I am trying to dress modestly, but my problem is that I just don't have enough dresses to do that. I don't sew, although I do have a very nice dress pattern, I don't know anyone who sews. right no I am wearing the only pair of jeans that fit, although I do have a very nice denim jumper that I am about to put on because it is more comfortable to wear. I have the Lord convicting me to dress more modestly, and I do when I can, but as I said, I just don't have that many dresses that I can wear.

Name: Rose

Hi Rose - Believe me, I understand your dilemma.  When we made our changes I had 5 daughters to re-cloth as well as myself.  It took awhile.  Let me encourage you to search out thrift stores, goodwill, salvation army stores. It is amazing to me how many VERY nice items are just given away.  You should be able to find plenty of dresses, skirts and tops to wear.  Jumpers are usually very inexpensive and when I say that I mean just a dollar or two.  I am so happy to hear of another sister in Christ coming to this revelation from the Word.  It does my heart good!!

Angie

Lesson: laundry day

Study: I appreciate all that has been shared by all the ladies here. I can identify with most of the testimonies. Donna has said something that I went through with my husband, and it took God's timing to change my husbands heart on how I was to dress. I had to really keep going before God with this matter. My husband liked my tight clothes, but over time my heart was telling me this was immodest. Slowly I started the change; and very slowly God changed my husband too. Today my husband wants me to wear dresses and a head covering. It took time for sure; however I believe that my desire to be obedient to God's word in a quiet way brought about an opening of the eyes of my husband. I have not always been meek and quiet in my life; it is something I really have prayed to God about. I was not raised a christian and I lived very ungodly for many years even being married. After becoming a christian God showed me the changes I needed to make but it was a project and a process. I see today that no matter what changes need to take place in my life and my husbands life there has to be a true desire to yield to what God has put before you, along with a surrendered heart to do His will. There was no peace for me until I trusted and obeyed and left the work that needed to be done in my husband in God's hands. God will be glorified in all things because He is faithful to carry out what He has begun. May this be an encouragement to you Donna.

Abiding in Him, Jeanne Thanks again Angie for this bible study! its such a blessing

WOW Jeanne - What a tremendous testimony! Thanks so much for sharing that.  I know that it will be an incredible encouragement in the lives of so many women.  One thing you said that I really appreciate was that you didn't just give up when there was a disagreement, but you calmly and quietly did what you could do.  I think that is so vital for women to realize.  There is nothing Godly about getting in your husband's face and demanding things, but when we have a conviction about something then we should be respectful and do what we can.  It is up to God to bring the fruit.  Oh, I love it!! 

Thanks again Jeanne

Lesson: Modesty, shamefaced and sober

Study: I've been mulling over your quote of Samuel in the scripture. And interestingly it crossed my mind that what sammuel says is exactly the point. People DO judge by appearance. So our appearance is ever so important in this secular world of today. I don't want people to have to guess if i'm a christian or my "take" on the scriptures. Its clear at a glance. God does know our heart but others don't. Our appearance is a clear and distint sign to all of what i /we believe. Just a thought.

Name: Petrina

Thanks Petrina for this post.  Absolutely right!!!  "Clear at a glance" is such a telling thing.  I am with you!

Lesson: all

Study: Angie, this Bible study is helping me to exmaine my life and to start praying that the Lord will deal with me and help me do what he wants and not what I want

Name: Elizabeth

Elizabeth - I am encouraged to hear this.  We must all continue to examine ourselves in the light of His Word to see if we are where He wants us to be.  Please do share your thoughts with us as we continue on with our study.

Lesson: countenance

Study: I have always had to battle temper and all the stuff that goes with it when things are not going my way - from my toddling days onward. As a christian I wanted so badly to change these traits and I have been changed alot, but I can sense it lurking within me still - like something caged I do not allow out. There are times, though, when I do fail and the grumpiness or anger escapes and does damage. This is one type of battle that can affect occasionally my countenance, but there is another that is worse to understand and control. The difficulty in being a caregiver to a sick person ( this would be for anyone in a long term demanding situation of any kind. I am thinking of difficult marriages). I wonder if God allowed me this role to help me develop more control over my moods and temper etc... . Being in valley after valley at times can allow the old nature to threaten and I have found myself fighting anger, bitterness even, and emotions that just shock me. These things were lurking around in me? Obviously, the problem is that I am thinking things ought to be different than they are when I am falling into anger or depression. Taking prayer to a whole new level has allowed me to be more teachable by the Lord and shown me where my vision is not dependent on His. The only answer is prayer in the challenging, long term situation. A practical help has been to seek someone in a similar situation or even several if we can find them, and minister to one another, pray for one another, and learn from one another. I have 2 very close friends who have very challenging long term situations and I marvel at their cheerful countenance and it encourages me to seek the Lord's help more aggressively in this. It made me feel even more useless to hear from others who noticed I was down (I tried to hide it, and thought I had, so this is proof we need to seek God to do what we are not able to do. He will show us what we are lacking). I had some folks believing my plain ways were the cause of my problems. I guess I am saying that sometimes the problems in this world will weigh on us obviously even though we are trying to be strong and carry it ourselves - being stoic will not work. Not to give in to depression, but bring it to God aggressively and all day until He gets us where we ought to be.

Name: Joanie

WOW, Joanie!  You have not only served us some meat but it is Prime Rib!  So much there to digest and ponder over.  I appreciate deeply the openness of your testimony in this and it causes me to want to examine more the reasons for my own irritations at times. In raising our daughters I have always tried to point out to them that when someone is acting angry there is often times an unseen cause - unseen to us and to the person themselves. 

I also appreciate the fact that you shared some ways to work through this.  It is one thing to see the problem, but to also have a possible remedy is vital and you covered both beautifully. 

You wrote "Obviously, the problem is that I am thinking things ought to be different than they are when I am falling into anger or depression. Taking prayer to a whole new level has allowed me to be more teachable by the Lord and shown me where my vision is not dependent on His." and this is so true.  I have found the same thing in my life - when I hoped, dreamed, pondered, wished that things would be different and yet they are not, then I become angry inside and it comes out at the slightest thing.  We must seek His Face and His Plan in order to truly walk in a peaceful attitude.  Thanks for sharing this!!

Lesson: Study

Study: Hello again everyone! I have spent the last few weeks moving from North Carolina to New York. It's been such a blessing! I am now just catching up again and wanted to share something that's been on my heart. This study has caused me to really look at the way I conduct myself as a wife, a mother and before the Lord. It's been an incredible journey so far but with any growth, there have been some pains. My husband has had a separate email account for several years that I know about but that he does not share with me. I have come across it before and it contains things like pictures of women, pornographic emails he gets from his male friends and he has even used it to communicate with other women that he knows I would not approve of. Now let me just say that my husband is very committed to our marriage, he is the head of our household and the best father I could ever wish for my kids. He is not some porn collector holed away in a dark room somewhere! :) But lets just say that we have different views on what should be appropriate and not. He is very liberal and open minded when it comes to these kinds of things. So now that we have moved he is setting up our emails and in the interim is using that email address. And it bugs me!!! I can't help it. It just nags at me and disrupts my whole spirit every time I see it. And then the insecurities pop in. As I struggle to dress modestly then I think if I am too modest he'll want to look more at those emails, he'll be disinterested in me. I am rambling but I hope you all get my point here. So I have been praying and praying. And here's what I have come up with. I can't change Mark. I can't. But the Lord can. And I am commanded to love my husband in reverance to God. I am his helpmeet and I am to honor and respect him even when he makes me mad because by doing so I am honoring God. So often over these last couple of weeks I have thought of this study and the things I am learning. I know that if I allow this issue to affect my daily life then I am a grouchy, crabby wife and mother. Who needs that??? Not my family and they don't deserve it either. It's an issue that I have to let go of and allow the Lord to work in. I have to just continue on with what God is showing me and leave the rest of it up to him. Just like Joanie said, bring it to God agressively - I love that! So there you have it ladies. I hope that you are all doing well and I thank you for being here. Angie, you are such a blessing to me - thanks!! :)

Name: Donna

Dearest Donna - Thank you so much for sharing this testimony with us.  I am sitting here with the flu and just because I am so tired of being in the bed, thought I would check the email.  I am thankful and rejoicing to find such an uplifting letter.  The Lord is truly showing Himself mighty in you and I am excited about the future joys that He is going to bless you with as you honor Him and your husband in these difficult situations.

Much Love!!

Lesson: Countenance

Study: Just joining in on the study (though late) and done a whole read through. I will say Shellie hit the nail about keeping our mood up and how it affects all of the home. Moods are more contagious than any disease. So true, and so vital to remember. A side note of sort to that: scriptures say we should not be complainers either. If we are always complaining or are unhappy, our countenance reflects that as well. What a negative witness that might be to another person. "They might look at us and think/say, wow if that person is a Christian, I sure don't want to be one. Look how bad they feel." As believers we need to be able to give the reason for the hope within us. You never know, a simple smile at a stranger may make their entire day as well. Sometimes the simple things, add to more than one might think.

Name: Eleanor

Lesson: This whole thing

Study: Hello Angie and all other sisters who are helping each one of us improve. I too have questioned, struggled, prayed, thought, and pondered as to how can I change my habits in dress and manners etc. I live up in the Northern Wisconsin- Superior to be exact and it is still -15 below up here... We raise beef and paint horses hobby farm and garden type of thing I also have a part itme job at the local lumber yard/hardware store Menard's . I have strived to be a farm girl- good wife,smart providing mom and so on. We love the lord up here and as a family we are trying to make greener changes and become more self selficient anyway I'm sure you girls have a picture. My big struggle is because of my work and life I have always worn blue jeans or overalls and have been longing to wear a skirt /dress here and there ( my oldest daughter is strict Baptist and office worker I''m kind of jealous of her cause of her easy going life style ) but have not made the change over at home -my job would not permit it safety issues and climbing ladders and fork lift hhmmm not good any way It hit me on my last day off- whenever I can, during the day I stay in my night gown as long as I can. Now remember it is cold up here so it is a long comfy flannel granny gown. Boy am I a happy lady to putz around the house with out the tightness of the pants or adding the work apron and tool belt items when I get ready to go to work but didn't know why my thoughts were more peaceful. I thought it was because I was home doing things in the house getting food ready for my family tidy up the living room or stopping to sew button on a shirt or cut out a new apron oh yeah I just love aprons specially the one your Sarah made for me. here is the cool part of this whole rambling... my hubby works a swing shift so he sometime is home on the same days off as i have or part of the day. He is a good guy husband too now he noticed that I was happier running around in the night gown and then he said to me I got it ! I say now what? he said that you have been pondering the whole dress or blue jeans things well look at yourself- Your wearing a dress and as happy as a clam. THANKS girls with all of your words that I read over and prayer and God's perfect time... I am happy to be on my way to a change but could you girls give me a few Ideas of what color goes best with Timberline steel toed boots??? LOL

Name: Jenna

Oh Jenna - you are precious!!!  Good for your hubby!  Men do hear from God more than we give them credit for, don't they?!!!  I really do appreciate your situation and position about work and such and wouldn't be a bit surprised if the Lord begins to work some way for you to be able to home full time.  Sarah used to work at a Tractor Supply - heavy loads, drove a fork lift, not a feminine job in the least, but she did it and all in a long skirt.  They wanted pants but she said no.  I will tell you this - three of our girls have steel toe shoes and we all consider them Neutral in color.  In other words, they go with anything. :-)

Lesson: Sewing Day

Study: I have a confession. I am a terrible early riser. Not because of staying up late or always being out. I detest the telephone, so that isn't it. It is simply because I am always tired. Another confession, I take spells of being bad about leaving dishes till the next day...same reason, by the end of the day I am just worn out. With taking care of baby Daniel and doing my ebay work or misc household duties, I get tuckered so fast. I feel like I can never get enough sleep. I am convinced, that is mostly to do with being overweight. When one doesn't keep their body in good health, all things in life suffer. Reading again the Prov 31 reminder that we should be early risers, is always so convicting for me. I badly want to do that, and on the days I do manage, by 9 am I feel like falling over. Please pray for me as I work on improvement in this area. This is one of my greatest areas of struggles.

Name: Eleanor M.

Dearest Eleanor - Thank you for honoring us with your confession on these matters.  I know that it is a hard thing to admit where we struggle and just the fact that you are willing to share this shows your desire for change is serious. 

Allow me to encourage and exhort you, the battle is hard but the reward is tremendous.  Through the years I have known of women who make many excuses for late sleeping and not being diligent in the care of their homes and one of two things usually happen.  Either they end in a very unhappy marriage/divorce or the husband submits to the wife and begins to clean the house and prepare the meals, etc.  I am always amazed at how the women seem to justify their lack of diligence and yet the husband somehow manages to get up, go to work, prepare meals, do laundry, etc, etc. 

It is encouraging to see you wanting to correct this in your home and I will be praying for strength and desire to increase in your life.  Habits are made and they can be broken when we set our mind to it!!

Big hugs!

Lesson: Wednesday, Sewing Day

Study: There are a couple of things in this lesson which I can completely relate to: keeping busy with creative work does give a person a sense of accomplishment, and usefulness; and also, getting to sleep early in the evening so that you have energy to do all of these things is VERY important! I've noticed that when I get more sleep, I get more done, which is rather contrary to the idea that there just aren't enough hours in the day to get it all done. When I get more sleep, I get more done. When I get more done, I'm happier. When I'm happier, my family is happier not to mention better fed and clothed!

Oh, and for Jenna and other ladies who live where it's cold. I live in planting zone 3 (our winters are long, very snowy, and cold!) and I find that dresses properly worn are actually warmer than just jeans or sweats. What you do is layer. You can wear pants or leggings, or long-johns, then a slip to stop static, then a skirt or dress (long) along with tall winter boots and a longer winter coat (over the hips). You'll be nice and cozy this way! And for working or climbing stairs, etc...make sure your skirt isn't too long or you'll keep stepping on it and you might hurt yourself. Somewhere just below midway between the knee and the ankle is pretty safe. Time for me to get sewing...well, tomorrow...today's Sunday! *grin*

Name: Lisa

Lisa,

Thanks for sharing these wonderful tips and thoughts.  Such a blessing!!!

Lesson: Sewing

Study: Eleanor, I know just how you feel, as I feel the exact same way. We have dinner about 5:30p.m. to 6:00 p.m. and the dishes do not get done until the next day, which is totally un-called for.

And now, to top things off, I have a bad case of Vertigo, and can't do much of anything without feeling like I'm falling over.

On another note: My step-daughter had her baby on Tuesday morning at 2:30! I was in the room with her, along with her husband(who was totally worthless by the way). It was AWESOME!!

Name: Rose

Rose,

Congratulations on the precious new blessing and how wonderful that you were able to be there for the birth.  Let me admonish you that the husband was not "totally worthless" - that baby wouldn't be here without him!  I am confident however that you would not say that to him or the mother.  :-)

Lesson: Wed.- Sewing Day

Study: I am really enjoying this study! I read this a while back but wanted to take time to ponder it before responding. I like what was said about our inner desire to create. It is so true! Even before I knew how to do most things I had a desire to create them. That is what motivated me to learn how to do it. My mom was a professional seamstress for 25 years but did not take time to teach me. Everything I learned about sewing I learned on my own, out of the desire to create a particular thing myself. Often people make excuses for not doing certain things. "I don't know how, I don't know anyone who can teach me, etc...." I know, I used to be one of them! I got tired of not being able to do the things I really wanted and making excuses wasn't getting it done either so one day I got a pattern, took out the directions, and actually read them. I followed them step by step, literally. I'd sew a seam, read a little more, do the next step, read a little more. Some times I'd re-read the same step probably 10 times before I got through it, and yes I had to tear out many a seam along the way. I put sleeves in backwards of right and wrong sides together. I'd just tear it out and do it again. But today I can sew! In fact I even made my own pattern for my dresses. I'm hard to fit. Store bought patterns just didn't work for me so I figured out how to make my own. It took me many trys to get it just right but now I have a great pattern to make my own dresses from and it fits! I'm not some super smart person or some incredibly gifted lady here either. I'm just an ordinary person that no one would give a second thought to if they passed me on the street, but the Lord blessed my desire to learn. It wasn't always easy, it still isnt when I'm learning something new, but I just don't give up. With each new attempt I can see how the Lord is helping me along and it gets easier to understand. I've learned several things this way: sewing, canning, embroidery, basket weaving, re-upholstering, refinishing furniture, knitting (still working on that), how to make my own patterns, gardening, and quilting, lots of things! I'm not necessarily a master at any of these but I can do them and do them well enough to meet the needs of my home and family. Now I'm not telling this to brag, I'm telling it because I want to encourage any women reading here. You can do it!! What ever it is your wanting to learn, you can do it!! Just be patient with yourself, when you get frustrated walk away for a little while or even lay it down for the day and come back to it when your nerves have settled. But do come back and give it another try. Before long you'll be sewing aprons, then dresses, and bloomers, and quilts! Whatever it is, set your mind to it and you can achieve it! Be sure to take it before the Lord and ask for His guidance in it. My sister-in-law wanted to play piano but couldn't afford lessons so she just kept it before the Lord. Each time she'd clean the church she'd sit down at the piano (her husbands the pastor) and would try to play the various hymns. The Lord blessed her efforts and answered her prayer. Now she plays beautifully and plays for church services too. What ever you are wanting to learn you can find books at the library about it. Check some out, read them, and try it! You should see the pile I walk out with when I'm wanting to learn something new or am looking for a new pattern on something I've already learned. My son is doing this right now to learn woodworking, my husband is doing it to learn blacksmithing.

Another thing I wanted to mention, about the getting up early. We have a very strange schedule due to my husbands work schedule. He works nights, 12 hour shifts (3-4 nights a week). On his work days we get up early and have school while he sleeps but on his days off our schedule was really messed up. He was used to sleeping all day so getting up early was hard. We recently made the decision to all get up early even on his days off, him too, to prepare for the coming summer heat. We can work during the cooler morning hours in the garden then do the slower paced stuff in the afternoon heat. We have done it for a couple weeks now and have actually found it is working very well for us. We too are seeming to get more done even though we are working the same number of hours we were before. Plus our evenings seem to be less hecktic and more relaxing. Its been a real blessing!

One last thing, as to the thing about wearing dresses while working, I too kept a pair of jeans for working in when I first switched to dresses. What I found over time was that I can do anything in my dresses that I did in jeans, and sometimes more. Jeans were sometimes too confining for the stretching I needed to be able to do when working in our kennel. The dresses allowed more freedom of movement. I have to echo what Lisa said about layering up too. I'm actually warmer in my dress layers than when I was wearing jeans and a coat. Length is key though. If its too long you will be stepping on it so just make sure your work dresses are a good working length for you. My work dresses are a bit shorter while my 'nice' dresses which I prefer longer. And an apron is always a great idea! Makes the dresses last longer and gives you pockets should you need them, plus they make great little hammocks to carry a big load of tomato's or whatnot back that you didnt' expect to be picking as you went past.

Name: Shellie

Lesson: Sewing day

Study: I thought my creativity died some years ago. All the things I used to enjoy I just stop enjoying. No more drawing, painting, etc... . To be honest, I felt for many years like a boring lump. I have come to realize that all my creativity was being used in a very different way, by trying to adapt to the many special needs of a sick kid. This has gone on for about 15 yrs. I also had other obligations to other children and homeschooled many of those same years. I did what I could to give them all what they needed. But with this last child with such an unusual illness I had to focus all my energy in several places and it seemed like a part of me died. The part that was an adventurous learner. I have faith that if and when I am not needed to focus all my energy this way, the Lord will help give me a boost and I shall find myself wanting to learn new things again. I am not jealous of anyone, thankfully, but I did feel like something was wrong with me for years. I did not feel like I was depressed, though noone is giddy over difficult and challenging circumstances ( the very long term ones). I just couldn't figure it out until about a year ago. I stop beating myself up about it and just accepted it. I AM creative!!! But not as widely so as I once was and as so many, many others. That said, I do push myself to do new things or get back to a limited amount of old interests. So, sewing is not on my list yet. It was once a desire - is not now. But when there is reasonable time and freedom I trust that desire will return. God is good - I have many dresses to last a long while and then some Amish sisters have outfitted me quite well with their barely used older "Sunday dresses" they can't wear anymore and I have a bunch to get me by for a long, long time. A nice variety of dresses for different needs and times.

I appreciate what Shellie says about setting our minds to do something and we can achieve it. It is so true. Right now I am trying to learn how to approach cooking a totally new way. I cannot use any processed foods, no wheat, no milk or dairy. Honestly, I would go to bed at night and dream about cooking ideas all night long, hoping to think of something to cook for a kid who could not afford to lose a pound and was not happy with the diet. I am to the stage where I am coping and my creativity is beginning to come into play now. I have to do a LOT of bulk cooking so we have things to eat during busy times, like weekends for family worship about 40 minutes away and other things that tend to come on weekends. We cannot go out to eat, so I must be ready to travel with food. I really am blessed by all the creativity I am reading about in all of you. It is encouraging. I am also surrounded by such talented and motivated people. I have to remind myself of what my mission is from time to time and the way I know I am doing right is by making sure I am not lazy and faltering in my duties. You know, I think getting up early must be one of THE biggest challenges for women today. I know many struggling with that. I, too, have struggled with it. I have tried to set reasonable limits considering the medicines, illness effect on my son, who has big sleep needs and make sure I am doing that for myself ( who needs less). I have to really pray about how much sleep to let him have and then push him and me both to our limit.

Name: joanie

Lesson: Sewing Day

Study: What a great part of this study! You ladies are again just such a treasure to me. I too have been learning to craft more and it does get so frustrating at times. Mainly because I am reminded of my failure to learn from my Grandma when she was alive. But that also makes me more determined. I will continue her legacy of crocheting blankets and sewing. My mother never bothered with those things unless she had to hem something for us. She was a working mom and very busy. I am a stay at home momma and to further that blessing I will be learning to sew, crochet, quilt, etc. and I will teach my daughters as I go along. As for the sleeping part....lets just say that I have always been one to be up early but I was never really productive with my early time. Now I start my day in thankful prayer and that sets the tone for the rest of my day. My devotional time with our Lord is my ME time. I don't need alot of ME time like some women. That is really sufficient. But if I don't get it then I really have to give myself a time out during the day and start over after I reconnect with my Savior. Again, thank you to Angie for this study..it is a real blessing in my life.

Name: Donna

Lesson: all

Study: The more I read and pray about this type of lifestyle the more it seems that this is what the Lord wants me to do. I just need to leave things up to Him and let him work things out, because I am not sure of what my husband wants and since he is the head of my home I am waiting on him. But I am going to maybe start doing small things, like I have started wearing bandana(sp) around home. The rest is up to the Lord. I have not always been a submitted wife but am working on that.

Name: Elizabeth

Lesson: Creativity

Study: It's so funny you mentioned that because I'm teaching myself to sew and to make jams. The idea of sewing scares me and making jam and canning it scares me even me even more. I want to bless my friends with a jar of jam and Lord willing and with his help I will make some great apricot or strawberry jam. The same with my sewing. I'm going to stick with simple sewing patterns until I get more comfortable with sewing.

Name: Regina

Lesson: market day

Study: I can share some tips, though many of you could probably share so much more, and probably know much of this.

If you buy chicken, buy whole frozen chickens. Boil them up and shred the meat. It goes further when shredded. Dont forget all off the proverbial nooks and crannies. Pick every scrap of meat from it. Youd be surprised at what you can really get off of one bird. Plus if you boil it, you will have a huge stock pot of broth instead of buying cans of it at .50 to a $1 a can. If you dont can, you can freeze the broth in ice cube trays. I use an obscene amount of broth sometimes and it is unaffordable to buy it canned all the time.

When you have to buy meat, if possible buy in bulk at Sams or a similar place. A small local butcher might cut you a bulk deal too. Bulk is more expensive up front, but does save in the long run. Freeze or can. Better yet, raise a cow!! I wish I could. My family always did that when I was growing up. Perhaps your husband can learn to hunt and get a deer. Free meat, other than the cost of processing it.

Dont buy commercial baby food. Making your own is so easy. Use a food mill or a blender, and just process normal green beans, carrots, whatever into a puree. Fresh is nice, but you can use canned too. Then put the puree into ice cube trays and freeze. Once frozen, pop them out into storage bags. Much, much cheaper, and in my opinion far safer. A bonus, it will actually smell like the food it is supposed to be, unlike commercial baby foods. Huge Savings.

Also, you can buy and make normal oatmeal and blend it too instead of the infant cereals. Freeze your leftover homemade mashed taters for your baby too.

Just keeping a well stocked pantry can save loads of trips to the store (which avoids impulse buys and saves gas). Shop monthly if you can. It also helps you to prepare for emergencies of course. Keeping a strong stock of dried rice and beans is wise as they store for practically forever and in the worse case scenario you only need a water to make a meal of them.

Dont forget your farmers market if you dont have a garden or a big garden. Buy fresh veggies and can/freeze away. You will cut out the middleman and save money, while getting better food, plus you support a hard working farmer. But do you best to grow a garden of course. Tomatoes grow great in big flower pots or buckets even. I used to do that in my old apartment on my patio. I had six tomato plants, plus several herbs and such while being in the city with nothing but a patio.

Side notes:

While not food related, it is still a part of a lot of peoples grocery bills, don't use disposable diapers unless maybe you just use them for trips out. Try cloth. You can make them out of so many things, old tee shirts even. You save SOOOOO much money, plus landfill space. You dont even have to sew, or buy the fancy fitted cloth diapers. Seriously, you can use an old tee or old towel cut to size and just get some inexpensive vinyl diaper covers. Line dry them for longevity and energy savings.

Dont buy so many paper towels, paper plates, paper cups, tissues etc. They are a general waste of money when you can just wash the dish, the dish cloth, or make a handkerchief, etc. Granted they might be nice for a special occasion, but some people buy so much of disposable products, it becomes a sizable portion of their budget. LOL Menstrual pads can be made from cut up towels and rewashed too. Though I admit, I wont compromise on the toilet paper.

Make your own reusable shopping bags, that is something I have been meaning to do. When I go to Aldi, the savings are nice, but they do charge for their bags. Adds up over time.

If you are a seamstress, buy used sheets at the thrift for a cheap source of fabric. That's all for the moment.

Blessings, Eleanor

Eleanor!  What a wonderful list of tips and ideas.  I am always amazed at the way the Lord will lead His daughters in taking care of their home and family wisely.  Thanks so much for all these ideas.  And let me add that you are so right about really picking the meat off a chicken.  It is amazing how much can be gleaned out of the "nooks and crannies"!!

Love ya - Angie

Lesson: MARKET DAY

Study: Hiya Angie!

I feel a little silly giving any type of advice, but I'm going to go on faith that perhaps there is someone even "greener" than me in the homemaking dept. So here goes: First, I write everything down...and I mean everything! I have a 3 ring binder started where I write down the price of most things that I usually purchase, where I purchase, dates, if it was a sale etc. Over time I found out that certain food items come on sale at certain times of the year and then those items start the circuit of all the grocery stores in the area. Second, I found that I usually make the same meals over and over so I made lists of those ingredients and every time one of them came on sale, I bought lots. Now, all I ever buy is sale items, from every store in our area. I may have 10 jars of salsa on the shelf but when it comes on sale again, I'm usually down to the last jar or 2. Yes, it takes time and effort but hey, if being at home is my job, I should act like it is. I might not make the money, but I sure can save it. Can I just add here that I've changed my way of thinking drastically over the past couple of years. I know it sounds snobbish, but I really wouldn't have been caught dead inside a Walmart or discount store when I was a "working woman". People who know me are shocked at my changes. Most think I've gone overboard, but that's another story. Thirdly, I am teaching myself to sew and when I found out how expensive material was I actually went to a Thrift Store and bought up some large size dresses to use as my material. I've made a canning apron and started on a little girl's dress. For $5 I have enough stuff here to make all kinds of things, or at least TRY to make things and if they don't work out, no big deal! They won't be costly mistakes. Thank you for letting me ramble AGAIN! I love this Godly Wife Study!! Being at home "rocks"! I can't believe that women would want to do anything else....

Name: Cath

Cath!  You have definitely come a long way and I am so blessed by all you are doing.  I love this idea of keeping a binder for sale items and such.   That is such a usable tool.

Thanks for sharing -Love you

Angie

Oh Rose, I wish I had the sense to use cloth diapers when mine were small.  The money that I spent on diapers could have paid off a mortgage, I'm sure.  I pray that you can help your daughter in this area.  Let me encourage you on that clothes line - such a blessing it is and I have some of my best worship time while hanging out the clothes.

Love you!

Angie

Lesson: Market Day

Study: Hi Angie,

I want to share that if you use coupons, use only for products that you actually use. I used to buy products because I had a coupon and it wasn't even anything I actually wanted! Also if you have a newspaper coupon for something and the store has a coupon ask if you can use both. This is called "stacking" and if the store doubles the coupon you can save a substantial amount of money.

Name: Regina

Lesson: Market Day

Study: Hi Angie

Most of the advice given above is things which I already do out of necessity (using second hand sheets as sewing cloth, planning for shopping once a month to save on fuel, etc). One thing that really, REALLY makes a huge difference in the amount of money saved is to plan ahead. Plan your meals for the week, fortnight, or month even! That way you have a good shopping list and you buy what you actually need instead of "spur of the moment" purchases. You also end up having the ingredients in the house when you need them. Planning household purchases in advance really helps the budget too because then you can put away money for something which you NEED (watch that one) instead of going into debt for it. Interest on credit cards is nasty! Another benefit of saving up for needs is that sometimes in the process of waiting you discover it somewhere else for a lower price (like at a garage sale) or you find out that it wasn't such a "need" after all!

One thing that my husband and I have discovered is that hunting isn't actually free. It can be downright expensive after you buy the equipment, buy the proper licencing and tags, buy the ammunition for target practice and for the hunt, find a place to hunt, pay for fuel to get out there..sometimes again and again and again before you actually get something, and then get it home and butcher it. It is actually much cheaper to find a local farmer with an older cow to sell to you for cheap, or to buy a cheap calf (or piglet, or kid) to raise and butcher yourself.

I thank God that He has been helping and preparing us all to be good stewards and to not buy into the "affluenza" mentality which has been plaguing so many people. But we must always remember that we are not trying to save money in order to become rich with the world's goods. Our treasure should be in Heaven. I struggle to remember this sometimes. I'm not saving money just for things for me or my family; I'm saving money for helping others!

"There is that scattereth, and yet increaseth; and there is that witholdeth more than is meet, but it tendeth to poverty. The liberal soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself." Prov. 11:24-25

Name: Lisa

Lesson: Market Day

Study: What a timely lesson! And how funny too, our Market Day really is on Thursdays! LOL We go to town twice a month and take care of all our errands in one trip (library, grocery's, prescriptions, doctors appt., etc....). Anything we have to do we do our absolute best to plan it around our every other Thursday outings.

We use cloth/canvas bags and are sure to take them with us every trip. We have 11 of them so there is no excuse if we end up with a plastic bag. Walmart sells them for just a dollar each plus I have quite a few that my mom gave me because she used to get them free at the conventions she goes to for her job.

Another tip, if you sign up for Hobby Lobby's email you get the sales listing. About every 2 weeks they have a coupon in the email for 40% off any 1 item. One cut of fabric is considered one item no matter how large so I take mine in and get 10 yards of fabric, usually broadcloth because its only $1.87 yd., and get it for almost half the price. Out of that 10 yards I can make myself and both my daughters a dress each plus have enough left for atleast 2 aprons. The scraps I save to future quilts.

I keep old pillows when we replace them and reuse the cleaned stuffing for making throw pillows (out of fabric scraps)or dolls to give as gifts (again out of the scrap fabric too).

As for grocery items, I tend to buy pretty much the same things every time. I keep a good stock of dried beans and rice on hand as well as various flours, corn meal, baking soda, baking powder, dry milk, salt, oatmeal, vinegar, sugar, canned milk, all the canned veggies, some canned fruit, and yeast. We keep a steady supply of hamburger and chicken in the freezer because they are so versital I can use the for just about anything. For fresh items I buy celery, carrots, potato's, and onions. I chop and freeze the celery sometimes to keep a supply on hand, the same with peppers. We keep a good supply of garlic and buy spices in bulk. Don doesn't like me to make a menu so instead I have a set of recipes we all like that are made of fairly basic ingredients. That way I can fix whatever he's in the mood for or what time allows if we've worked longer than expected and need a quick meal. We buy macaroni and spaghetti in bulk and store in jars. We always replace what we use and try to grab one or two extra when were able to build a larger store.

Every year we garden but this is our first year for a really really big garden. It is my hope to be able to can or freezer the majority of our vegetable needs for the next year. I'm going to try using a melon baller and freezing extra melons and cantaloupes to enjoy later. I've also begun saving seeds to start our own the next year without having to spend money on plants.

One thing I do to save money is I wash my freezer bags and reuse them. I wash them in hot soapy water then let them all sit in a sink of water with bleach in it for a few minutes. They get reused until they spring a leak. Then they go to the recycling. I save the portions of computer paper that don't get printed on and let my daughter use them for coloring pages or staple them together to make a notepad. I save construction paper scraps to reuse too. We save coffee grounds for feeding the roses. When I make coffee (not every day) I pour the unused portion into a container and put it in the fridge to warm up and drink the next day and the day after until its used up rather than making a new pot every day. When the guys get holes in their knee's I patch them for work clothes use. Same with our dresses.

This year we are hatching chicks to raise and butcher ourselves to help with the grocery budget. We are planning on buying rabbits for the same purpose soon too. I used to sell our extra eggs to a neighbor but since he's stopped buying I plan to crack the eggs into ice cube trays and freezing them. I'll store them in a gallon baggie and that way I can pull out 1 egg at a time to thaw and use later when the chickens aren't laying as much.

I try to find a new use for things and give them new life. This year we tore down a building that used to be part of our kennel. I put the 4X4 timbers it was built with to use as landscape timbers to build two flower beds. The kids and I are pulling nails out of the 2x4's so we can use them to re-do the chicken house. We'll be reusing the sheet metal on the chicken house too. The thick white plastic sheeting that covered the walls will be going in the chicken house to make it easier to hose out and clean up. About the only thing we had to get rid of was the insulation because possums had gotten into it and shredded it. The plastic coated wire cages that used to be birthing pens is going to become part of the rabbit hutch along with some of the 2x4's and sheet metal. Everything from that building will be reused to make something new, except the insulation.

For inexpensive landscaping try using bulbs. They multiply so you only have to buy them once. After that you can divide them and plant in another area. Also in June Walmart and other stores start marking their plants down to 50% or more off the regular price. One year we bougth $20 tree's for $4 each. Burning Bushes were $2 each, Lilacs were around $2. Its worth looking if your needing some. Also, look and see what you have sprouting on your property. I have transplanted several saplings that just sprouted up voluntarily on our property. I just moved them to where we wanted them. My Maples are doing wonderfully and they were free.

For gifts I don't decide what to make and then buy what materials I don't have on hand. I see what I have then figure out what can be made from it. Not just anything, good usable gifts that my children are excited to receive. It just takes a little creativity and research.

The library is a great resource because its free and you can get books on everything under the sun. Back when we rented movies I learned the library has them for free so we did that instead. Turned out the library had more family friendly viewing anyway. They carry stuff thats not in the movie store. Things you can learn from but its interesting to watch. The kids and I have watched tapes/dvds that taught forgein languages, that taught a certain kind of craft or cooking, or about people in history, various native peoples, and the list goes on. Far more entertaining and we're learning something new all without the worry of some obscenity popping up unexpectedly.

Thats just a few off the top of my head. I know theres lots of other ways to save or be a good steward of the money my husband earns but I'm afraid I've gone too long already. Sorry!

Blessings

Shellie

Name: Shellie

Lesson: Market Day

Study: I try not to buy anything that is not on sale or even better on clearance. I also try to make my cleaning products, laundry soap, napkins, tote bags, blankets, ect. Again, with materials that are on sale or clearance. I shop twice a month and freeze whatever I can. I hang up my laundry whenever possible and only use the dryer in emergencies and I use plenty of candles to save on the electric bill.

Name: Le-Teisha

Lesson: Market Day

Study: Hi Angie and everyone,

Oh how I have missed my sisters!! I learn so much from all of you. Thank you. I have been absent due to my husband having surgery and my taking care of him. Everything that is not necessity has fallen by the wayside so I can make him as comfortable as possible. I just wanted to send a hug over to Dana, I am so happy that you are here with us! And I want to add my couple of saving things -- I shop for my kids clothes at the Goodwill store and make the ones I can. One thing that really helps us so much is staying put. The benefit to having four kids with the little three so close in age is that they are each other's playmates. We have no need for a playgroup, playdates, all of that stuff. And to be honest most children I don't want playing with my kids anyway. For my oldest it's a little harder because she's more active but when I take her out say for her riding lesson then I take the little ones and do the shopping. This year in our new house our garden has really taken off and what a blessing it is. I love going outside and getting stuff to make dinner with. And freezing and canning are my staples. I feel so blessed by this life that the Lord has granted me. We have a home, my husband has a good job, we have enough to eat, and most importantly we all are growing in the love of Christ Jesus. What more do we need??? So we really keep life simple and for me simple = happy!! Love you all.

Name: Donna

Lesson: Kind of all of them!

Study: I really like this Bible study. I've been called to dress more feminine and modestly for a few years now. It's a little harder for me to do so, as I'm a recovering feminist, but once I figured out that my idea of what a woman dressed like didn't have to be the same as society's, I felt much better. Most women who wear dresses and skirts wear them knee length or a little (sometimes a lot!)higher. I have minor leg deformities that prevent me from doing the typical "ankles crossed and knees together thing", so I ended up hating skirts and dresses. I do a lot of things, and I felt skirts and dresses would slow me down. Once I started wearing long skirts and dresses, I found I could do anything I needed to in them and not have to worry about "flashing" someone. Headcovering is another issue I've been working on. I did wear some hanging veils, but I kept getting mistaken for a nun. Mostly, now, I wear wide headbands that cover the entire head, with my hair down or under it in a bun. I also have a snood and nice triangular scarf that I can tie in various ways that I got from a Jewish headcovering site, for not a lot of money, either. I think those of us who cover go through a period where we figure out what's the best type to wear. On a forum I belong to, some of us wear bandannas, some hanging veils, some prayer kapps, and some scarves. We all sort of work it out. I've had to change a lot on my cleaning and getting up early problems. I've gotten ten times better than I was, but I sorrow it took me so long to get the clue. Again, I was doing too much of the "make him do half" and getting enraged when he didn't. Now that we have it down to me doing the day to day stuff, he helps out with special things (like after a party and the sinks are overflowing with dishes), and nasty things(cat box, trash, etc). We're much better off now. While there are some things I still struggle with, and I start thinking "he's a big boy, he can take care of himself", I make myself look at it as an opportunity to serve Christ in my DF. Keep it going, I love this study, even when it pricks me. Keeps me on my toes and understanding we are called to constant conversion.

Name: Shawna

Lesson: ALL OF THEM . . .

Study: Dear Angie, It's so good to feel like one is not so all alone in this thing of not being the "career woman" who is so exalted in this current society. - I'm 62 yrs. old, and although I have worked outside the home a little bit during the almost 44 years I've been married, I just never really fit in to that whole career thing. I stayed at home the majority of the time and took care of my children. Homeschooling was not as known that much about when I was back in that stage of life, but if I had it to do over again and the resources were available like they are now, (and knowing what I know now), I'd have homeschooled -and how I wish, frankly, that I had been homeschooled as well - or at the very least, have been sent to a small truly Christian school (where they at least presented the scriptures!) Public school, particularly high school, was such a hard, destructive time in my life. I have of late been trying to just be thankful for the positives and throw out the negatives as best I can. So, learning grammar and typing has served me in good stead as I've had to work as a home office secretary in my husband's home-based business for the past 29 yrs.

The subject of the headcovering has been a real struggle for me, especially in the past year or so. At first, several months ago, I started using a prayer scarf when I prayed, but didn't wear one all the time. That somehow didn't feel right, as one sometimes needs to pray when they're out, behind the wheel driving and other times - so for a while, I wore lightweight scarves all the time. Then I tried to find a Christian fellowship that I thought met at a church not far from our house. I visited there, but come to find out that the group hadn't been able to keep up the payments on the church building and sold it to another regular non-denominational group. Plainly, the group did not cover, the women did not want anyone from the "old" headcovering group coming back in there and taking over what they had "bought" fair and square. They did not want any challenge to their short, sylish hairdos, tight blue jeans and britches and flashy jewelry. - I'm sorry to say that it is pretty much that way around here. The cold shoulder is hard for me to take, and I think, too, that my husband isn't all that excited about the way I dress. He is very much into the Southern Baptist Convention way of doing things, and he has always been very critical of my appearance if it wasn't in style and "right". The last couple of weeks, I haven't been wearing the covering out - but I want to. I pray to find a headcovering group that meets in a housechurch setting. (Some of them get pretty legalistic about what style and how many pleats in the bonnet, etc., and I know I can't cut the mustard in one like that.)

Please pray for me about these things, and also that I'll be able to do the personal housecleaning I need to do in my life. In 62 yrs., one can get a lot of clutter built up.

Wanda

Wanda, I certainly will keep you on my prayer list.  Just be encouraged to know that our precious Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ is sitting at the right hand of the Father daily making intercession for you.  He has been watching each and every moment and He has never missed a beat in keeping you before Father God.  It has always been amazing to me how, once we make a firm decision, the pieces just seem to fall into place.

Much love,

Angie