On Being A Momma

Momma, I’m Bored!

Have you ever heard these words before? If you are a mother of a child that is old enough to communicate you probably have. And of course, it isn’t just the statement of the word “bored” it is the multi-syllabic dragging out of the word “bored” that really makes every nerve in the body just quiver. Am I right? Yep, I am right!

Our girls are pretty much grown now and they have learned how to spend their time in useful and productive ways. Instead of always being dependent on their mother’s agenda for the day they have established their own plans of action. This is truly the reward I find to spending those younger years teaching them that every moment is precious and nothing that is past can be regained as far as time is concerned.

Paul and I are big advocates of goal setting and being productive. We are that way ourselves and find that in our experience it is the best way to live a life. If you never set a goal then you will never accomplish anything. Also, the scriptures reveal to us that our Heavenly Father is a God of planning and accomplishing. He doesn’t just wonder what comes next and He doesn’t wait around to see what might “pop” up. He is THE excellent example of someone who plans ahead. Now I have said all that to say this – children become bored when they do not have a plan – a vision – a passion to follow. It is within all of us as humans to be creative. That is because every one of us is made in the Image of God and God is a creative being. Now obviously we cannot create anything in the true sense but we can use what the Lord has provided to make new things and spend our time in a constructive manner.

I so admire parents who teach their children early on how to work properly. There is a method to work itself - the planning, preparation and then the execution of any task. It is a fulfilling process in every area: emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually (if the task is wholesome and good in nature). So how does this help us to deal with the “I’m Bored” syndrome? Very simple – boredom stems from a lack of imagination and stimulation and through learned helplessness. I was doing some research and found an interesting discussion on depression and how learned helplessness is such a major part of the problem. In this case people convince themselves – through experiences - that they are not capable of creativity and invention. They then further decide that there is nothing that they can do to lift themselves out of the hole that they are in and therefore require someone else to stimulate and direct them. The tragedy is that this is not rare – it is becoming common place in our society and even worse in our children.

I could continue to dwell on the discussion of how this came to be or should I say comes to be in the lives of our family and children, but there again time is wasting and we need to get on to the solution. Since my own childhood I fully believed that there was a great deal of adventure in this world. Paul and I both love the outdoors, nature and in general God’s creation. We love camping, hiking, fishing, canoeing, animals, gardening. If it was outdoors we loved it. This love of nature led us both to love the concept of learning through reading and doing. The actual physical DOING part of learning. You can read all day long – 24/7 – but you don’t really assimilate the information until you actually DO SOMETHING with it. As a result of this, we both – in our own different growing up process - developed a keen sense of the need to pursue many interests. Once we became parents this is the avenue we chose for raising our children. I have to add here that neither Paul nor I care for sports much. Football, basketball, soccer, baseball, competitive swimming, car-racing, etc have never held any interest for us and I believe the biggest reason is that there is nothing to show for it when you’re through. (I did play volleyball in high school and we had a team that went to state competitions but all I gained from this was knees that now have arthritis.) Granted, if you are good at those things you might get a trophy or something but judging by all the trophies we see at the Thrift Store those have little value even to the folks that win them. So for us spending time or money on sports was wasteful and useless.

So, that being said, let us move on to the more productive possibilities for our children. Begin by really watching your children and talking to them. See what interests they have naturally and if you don’t know anything about that area that is okay. I have found without exception that when we desired to learn something the Lord provided a way – whether it be soap-making or beekeeping or doing charcoal drawings – there is a way to learn. When a child is encouraged in something creative that they desire to do then they will work on that until they have conquered it. This is the character building part of the whole thing. It is vitally important that we not put our own desires on our children. I would love for all of my children to pursue the crafts and skills that I love but that is not really the goal. The goal is to help them establish the things that call to their hearts. The things that the Lord has gifted them to do.

Now, has the Lord called your child to be a master at X-box or Game Cube – that is not for me to say but ask yourself honestly is this something that is going to truly bring inner satisfaction in your child’s life? Is this a skill that will help your son or daughter become the best person they can be? Will he/she find a deep sense of accomplishment in this activity? Yes, they are fun and challenging but really aren’t they adding more to the problem of “I’m bored”. I think the answer is a resounding yes, because when that game is cut off is when the problems begin.

When your child comes to you with an excitement in their voice about something they read or something they saw this is when you need to pay attention. Are they reading books about history? Are they looking at television shows about the oceans? Whenever Dad gets out his tools and begins to work on the car, is your son always there? Does your little girl always want to doctor the kittens? If you take away all the electronic stimuli and the pre-digested materials that our modern world offer, where does your child’s thoughts turn? And food is not a creative activity – unless they are baking or cake-decorating or something like that. J Parenting is a very time consuming occupation. We must take time to find that inner talent that each and every one of our children have and nurture it.

Let me add here the opposite side of the coin. There are some parents who are so eager to develop their children that they never allow them to explore on their own. This is where the learned helplessness comes in. Everytime a child says that like something – let’s say Indians – the parent signs them up for 3 weeks of summer camp that is all about Indians. Don’t go overboard!! Don’t buy the largest chemistry set from the Smithsonian because your son poured vinegar over doughnuts to see what would happen. Allow them to explore things within reason and don’t overload them with STUFF.

Finally let me say this – if you want to defeat the “I’m Bored” syndrome – get rid of the TV, electronic games, and much of the computer time. Have your children get outside and give them the opportunity to see God’s creation. Instead of buying a computer game for Christmas buy them a pup tent and a sleeping bag. There are some children who have already learned at 5 and 6 years old that air-conditioning, upholstery, cokes and chips and a remote control are signs of the good life. This is killing them in every way and it is time for drastic action. Don’t buy your sons electronics – buy them legos. Don’t allow your daughter to sit on a rainy day and watch TV – give her a needle and thread and scraps of fabric and let her make doll clothes. When that toaster stops working – cut off the cord and hand the toaster to your son with a screwdriver and let him take the whole thing apart.

I encourage you to truly seek God on this issue. Don’t become a bystander in enabling your child to become a robot of our modern and electronic society. “Momma, I’m Bored” is a desperate call for help and might I add that Daddy needs to take action too!!

Before I close, allow me one more observation please. If your children see you enjoying a creative activity then they are much more likely to seek one out as well. If Momma has to get in the car every day and head to somewhere then her children learn that outside home is where the fun is. If Daddy gets a day off work and has to leave home to go golfing or fishing without his family, then your children learn that family is not necessarily the place where rest and enjoyment are found. I don’t mean the rare occasion of being out – I mean the continual going. Our actions truly do teach our children far more than our words ever could.

Olivia's Victory

Good Monday Morning Everyone!

Paul was reading in the newspaper yesterday that our meteorologists are not expecting any real rain for the next two months. They said all we will get is those possible “popcorn” thunderstorms in the late afternoon. Of course in that we might get 10 minutes of heavy downpour that runs off too quickly to be absorbed. But as I have mentioned before this keeps our focus on THE Source and we trust in Him and not in the weather patterns nor in the meteorologists. He knows our need and He will provide no matter how the circumstances look.

This morning we were out at 5:30 adding a partition to our turkey pen. We have 13 young turkeys that have been in the turkey/chicken tractor and needed to go into the permanent pen, but every time we tried to incorporate them the adults went ballistic. The toms were trying to stomp them and the hens were pecking at them something fierce. So we decided to add some fencing inside and divide the pen into two sections. This will allow them close proximity for the adults to get used to the young ones and then eventually we will put the just the toms in the partition area and the hens in the other area.

We can fatten the toms up for winter butchering better this way. As we were working on all of this, Erin peeked into the stall area where the nests and roosts are and low and behold there was a new hatchling. It is now comfortably residing in the laundry room in a basket with a heat light, food and water.

You might ask why we were outside at 5:30 a.m. To be honest, it is for safety. In this heat and humidity we would be in danger if we tried to do much outside in the heat of the day. Last year, as some of you may remember, I had heat exhaustion and was in the Emergency Room for about 8 hours. We are much more careful with everyone in the family now.

Along the line of getting up early I wanted to share something about Olivia.

Olivia has always been very much like me in that she loves to sleep. It was like a battle every morning to get her up and moving and even then she would not be in a very happy mood. We addressed this in every way we could think of: sweet cajoling, back rubbing, fussing, pointing out that everyone else was up and happy, punishment and most importantly discussion with scripture about being slovenly and lazy. Nothing seemed to work! But one morning something changed – Olivia decided to change. Let me share what happened.

I have MANY plants that are in pots outside. This year, due to the heat and lack of rain I have had to water them everyday which takes about 45 minutes. As the summer has heated up earlier every day I realized that I needed someone to help me with this and so I offered a little extra on Olivia’s allowance if she would take over the job. She was glad to help but also to earn a little extra money for the summer. So she began to set her alarm clock especially early and get outside to water and do her chores before the sun got high. For almost two weeks she was up before anyone else in the family. She was dressed, had all her outside chores done, including the plant watering, had breakfast and was busy working on school before 7:00 each morning. And all without one word from me or Paul. It was a miracle!

I am sad to say that I was really waiting for the enthusiasm to fade and for us to be back to where we began. This past Saturday was the moment of truth. It was 7:30 and I was making muffins. The girls began to come out of their rooms one by one and Olivia was still asleep. I began to pray for her. As the house became a little noisy with the activity of the morning Olivia came into the kitchen, very sleepy eyed, and said “Momma, I forgot to set my alarm!!” She raced to get dressed and get herself outside to do her chores. We were almost finished with breakfast when she finally came in, covered with sweat and red-faced. After washing up she came to the table to eat and she requested of the entire family, “From now on if you are up and I am not, please wake me up. Getting up late ruins my whole day!”

Even now, as I sit here typing this I cannot help but smile! She was up early again yesterday and, this morning as we were dressing to go out to deal with the turkeys, I heard her little horse alarm clock. Instead of ringing or buzzing it whinnies like a horse (scares the dogs half to death J). The sweetness of the victory, from a battle that has been long fought, is precious indeed. Olivia has grown up and no longer must I be responsible for her in this area for she has now gained maturity and taken the responsibility for herself. With each battle and subsequent victory she is gaining strength in her inner being and becoming more the person that the Lord desires her to be.

This Sunday we listened to a tape called “On To Perfection” and its point was that we must move past the “milk” and on to the “meat” if we are ever going to become the reflection of our Lord, Jesus Christ. We must press on and push forward and demand obedience from ourselves: body, mind and spirit if we are to become mature Christians. We cannot be continually dependent on someone else to remind us of what we are to do, how to do it and when to do it. Only then can we be truly useful vessels to the Lord!

Olivia has, with the help of the Lord, reached another level of maturity and it is a blessing to her and to her family to see it. We all have areas where the Lord is speaking to us - to mature us. The question to ask is not, "Lord is there an area where I am not being responsible and mature?" The real question is "Lord, which area do we work on today?" Until we are in heaven at the foot of the throne, we all need to be working to mature and grow in the things of the Lord. J

Delayed Mother’s Day – Or Was It?

It is now 9:00 pm on Mother’s Day. We have spent the last three days at a heritage festival in Springville, Alabama at Homestead Hollow. It is one of those childhood dreams of mine that the Lord has brought to life, to share heritage skills with others in a beautiful historical setting.

Our entire family demonstrates different skills of the past and of our “present”. Paul shears the sheep and makes lye soap. I cook on the hearth in the cookhouse and spin wool. Haley spins wool. Sarah helps with dipping candles the traditional way in an old iron pot over a fire. Erin helps with making the soap and sometimes blacksmithing and Olivia churns butter and gets it ready to serve to the visitors.

But this weekend was Mother’s Day weekend. We all knew that we would be so busy with the tasks at hand that there would be no time for us to think about Mother’s Day so we all agreed that we would celebrate Mother’s Day next Sunday. Paul and the girls like to make me breakfast, get me a Sunday paper and bring me coffee and just generally let me do nothing all day long. Several years ago, I ask them to please not give me any more gifts as I have no where else to put things in our house. But they usually ignore that and buy me little usable items that I like. And pretty much every year they will give me a new rose plant. I just love roses!!

So today as we woke the girls at 5:00 a.m. to get ready for our trek to Homestead Hollow they were tired already from the previous two days. We dressed, fed the animals, loaded our things and headed out. I found a little card and gift on the dash of our van – “To Momma”. “Okay, someone cheated!” Haley just couldn’t wait – a precious card and a little glass enclosed poem and flowers “To Mother”. The metal around the glass was copper, which is another of my favorites.

The day was very busy with the activities – making sure that the fire was going in the fireplace and coals were ready for the Dutch ovens. I was cooking biscuits for the folks to sample as they came through the cabin. Paul was working on the fire and getting the pots ready for the stew that I would cook for lunch. The cookhouse where I was has a large Dutch door and big opening on one side where the folks can look in and see the inside.

As I was cutting the first batch of biscuits I looked out to see Olivia and Erin hugging Mr. Stitcher – the herb man. They were laughing and talking. He was telling them a wonderful tale about trekking along the creek to find some pitcher plants or jewel weed.

A painter across the way had come to visit to share with us how he had been watching our girls for several years – seeing them grow. He told Paul how amazed he was at how polite and kind the girls were and how they were always helping someone. He had seen Sarah helping Mrs. Sally dip candles all those times and he was touched by her willingness to help.

I could hear Haley in the cabin playing the old pump organ – “Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound”. Indeed – How sweet the sound!! My heart was absolutely on fire. The realization at that moment for me that our girls were so content, so blessed, so completely happy. The best Mother’s Day present in the world was being given to me. Not by Paul and not by my children, but by my Heavenly Father. He was revealing in each scene the pure and complete joy of watching the children He has blessed us with be blessings to others.

One of the most beautiful scriptures in the Bible to me is “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” 3 John 1:4 I have prayed for many years that the Lord would grant me this as a mother. That my children would walk in truth. No, they are not perfect. They are sheep of the Shepherd and like all sheep they have gone astray. But their hearts are to serve. Each of the girls is diligent to put others first. Why? Because they know the pain of being brushed aside. They know the grief of being rejected by ones that they love. They have felt the pain of conviction and experienced the joy of redemption. Through the years our family has been through many trials – some which were brought on by our own failures and sins – some by the failures and sins of others. But one thing remains and this is what we have taught our children.

When you show love to others then you are showing love to Father God. Jesus came to provide the way for us to be with our Father in heaven. It is our responsibility to thank Him by showing love to others and caring for others, as He would do if He were walking this earth physically. We prove our salvation by serving His people. So, as the official Mother’s Day passes and our family Mother’s Day approaches it is very real to me that our girls make every day Mother’s Day for me. To know that others are blessed and helped by your children is a wonderful gift for a mother.